Owning Your Orgasm

“If you cannot face directly into your sexuality,

You will never discover your true spirituality.

Your earthly spirit leads to discovering your Heavenly spirit.

Look at what created you to discover what will

immortalize you.”

-White Tigress Manual

Female sexuality is on the one hand deeply mystical, on the other hand daily life practical. Often the sexual teachings are regarded as the highest in the most known spiritual teachings of this. Traditionally sexual teachings were taught only when the student was already very very advanced in their personal individual practice and only then the secrets of sexual energy would be revealed.Therefore for the most part of humanity the teachings were not available, as they may have not reached deep enough in their personal practice and because of this we are left with an impression that spiritual traditions are mainly ascetic and repress sexuality. In reality, it’s easier to repress sexuality than to teach the nuances of sexual energy and its refined handling in such a way that it would support human development. There have emerged opinions that Buddha himself has said, “Enlightenment lies in the female genitals.”

On the one hand today’s sexual culture entails much more sexual freedom. However, there remains a lot of negativity around sexuality, as if it were the original sin or something dirty. When we give a negative judgement to our sexuality, we separate ourselves from this wonderful source of power, which gave us life. Therefore sexuality as such should be honored and teachings on how to handle this energy so it would balance us and bring us into harmony, should be shared without shame.

Many adults who are starting to explore or learn about the depths of sexuality wonder why this wasn’t taught in school. Introducing this topic to the youth, there has been the exact same feedback, why isn’t it taught when learning about sexuality is actually very valued?

Here is some feedback from the youth:

“I learned a lot of new knowledge about sexuality. Earlier I didn’t know half of it what we were taught. I really think sexual teachings should be taught in school”

“I definitely take with me from the lecture, where we were taught about sex, female orgasm and everything related to that, because it’s usually a topic that is avoided, especially female sexuality, and therefore most of the information was new. I’m really grateful that I got so much knowledge about this and I learned a lot of new things, which help me to learn more about my body and hopefully get new experiences. I would like to learn more about these topics in the future as the teacher was so open and direct, and it was also helpful that she shared her own personal experiences in this field.”

“I mostly enjoyed the classes about sexuality because it is something, which should be taught in school, but it isn’t taught.”

Trial and error vs conscious enjoyment

It is of course possible, that through trial and error people reach deep and satisfactory sexual experiences spontaneously. But from my personal experiences and simply observing the society, it is obvious, that these people are rather in the minority. Many people for example are not aware, that orgasm and ejaculation are physically two different functions in the body and it’s possible to experience them separately. Many men don’t realize that the phosphorus and lecithin found in sperm are essential nutrients necessary for the brain and there are many doctors and scientists who have suggested correlations, that excessive ejaculation may have strong negative impact on brain capacity and functioning. Many women aren’t aware that besides a clitoral orgasm, it is possible for every woman to experience deeper orgasms in endless variations and qualities. Even scientific research, which are focusing on female orgasm, have mainly focused on the discussion on vaginal and clitoral orgasms, weather one is better than the other and similar discussions around direct genital stimulation and orgasmic response.

I recently met a scientists who has been studying female orgasm and sexuality for the past 26 years. We discussed thoroughly female orgasms and in large extent we agreed on many topics and issues. Still it was surprising to find out that science still puts the main emphasis on female genital stimulation and its importance in achieving orgasms.The direction is from bottom upwards, that is science looks how genital stimulation impacts hormonal changes in the blood, pelvic floor contractions and brain activity. At the same time much less emphasis has been put on how our mind is affecting or can induce orgasms. It is definitely recognized that psychological factors have an impact, but the main focus is still on physical stimulation.

The world of female orgasm as infinite universe

I’m not a scientist yet, nor a guru. I’m an ordinary woman. Woman, who has done a lot of human experiments on myself, to discover and explore sexual energy within, how to connect to it, how to awaken it, direct it and today reached experiences, which I never could even dream of. At the same time, I feel the world of female orgasm is like an infinite universe, where there are endless possibilities for discoveries. What I am convinced of is the importance of this topic in its impact on a woman’s emotional stability, harmonious mentality and physical health. It is not a topic to be discarded or put on the side in one’s life. Sexual energy gave us life, and therefore it impacts directly all aspects of our lives.

If a woman isn’t sexually satisfied, then we cannot speak about a happy woman, whose emotions are in balance, whose mind is at peace and body at its optimal health. Dissatisfied woman will radiated tension and dissatisfaction also outside of herself.

When I used to be exactly that dissatisfied woman, then I received an advice, “You need a good man and to relax.” In itself it’s a very good advice, but the potential danger with human nature is that we give the responsibility for our well-being to our partner or in the worst case we fall into blaming the partner. Suitable and supportive partner can definitely play a hugely important part in a woman’s sexual experience, but still, every woman can and could take responsibility for her sexual satisfaction. The scientist who I met, also shared that that statistically most men take responsibility for their pleasure and orgasms, regardless of the partner, whereas most women give the responsibility for their satisfaction to the man.  Therefore a woman could pay much more attention to the second part of that advice, “You need to relax.”

Relaxing is something that is not exactly placed on the top priority in modern society. This does not give you success. But actually relaxing is the key, which ensures female sexual satisfaction and from there emotional, mental and physical well-being. Relaxed and sexually satisfied woman can offer much more to her family, her work, to the world and of course to herself. Therefore as women, it is important for us to take responsibility for our own sexual satisfaction. This is something that can be learned, like any other skill in this world, if we were to devote attention to it.